Couvade Syndrome

The great mind of Wikipedia says this:
"Couvade is a common but poorly understood phenomenon whereby the expectant father experiences apparently physical symptoms during the pregnancy for which there is no recognized physiological basis"

When I learned about this in my junior year of nursing school I thought this was the most bogus concept I had ever heard......that is, of course, until about the end of my wife's first trimester. It was my wife who began noticing it. First, I always felt zapped, completely fatigued, sleeping all the time, no energy whatsoever. Next came the ridiculous food cravings. I've been a vegetarian for nearly two years now but I had began to crave cheeseburgers. Not any cheeseburgers, specifically burger king cheeseburgers with extra ketchup. Sound crazy? It only gets better. There were also plenty of times I would be starving to death as I came to the dinner table, only to sit down and discover I couldn't eat a single thing because I suddenly became nauseated. Then the scale in our bathroom started hating my guts. I used to like that scale. It always told me the number I wanted to hear....but it seems since Joana is pregnant, it has begun to lie! So it insists I'm 12 pounds heavier than I choose to accept, but whatever. And then, just when I thought I had experienced enough of these crazy Couvade symptoms, I suffered the mac-daddy of all pregnancy symptoms......PLACENTA BRAIN! Yes sir. My brain is often someplace off chasing stars in the milky-way. My latest occurrence of placenta brain came about last Sunday. I was over at the Sherman's celebrating cuatro-de-mayo birthdays of some wonderful people, enjoying myself without a care in the world. I can't remember the last time I ran around in the grass barefoot, played volleyball till my forearms bled, and chased pinata candy like it was gold! It was the perfect blend of childhood in an adult setting--thanks to corona. Anyhow, the evening came to an end with some yummy cake and ice cream. Jo and I got in the car around nine o'clock when I noticed I had a missed phone call. Of course, it was work calling as they often do to ask if I wanted to come in to work overtime as there is always of plethora of people who are on the brink of death. I called up the old voice mail only to be stopped dead in my tracks...."Hello Travis, this is Karen from work. I hope everything is okay, but I was calling you because you were on the schedule to work tonight and you're not here. Call us when you can". Do you know the meaning of cardiac standstill? That's what happened. Here it was nine o'clock at night, I'm covered with grass stains, grass in my hair, wearing flip flops, shorts and an old tshirt and was supposed to be at work at seven. I immediately called the charge nurse who was happy to hear I was indeed alive. I offered to come in as I was, grass stains and all, but she assured me it would be okay to go on home and take a shower before coming to work. Rarely am I ever irresponsible especially when it comes to my work. My co-workers were so great and assured me it had happened to all of them. It was around two thirty in the morning while I was doing some charting that I realized what had happened. All the blood in my body was shunted from my brain to my placenta rendering me a victim of placenta brain!

....please God, let the symptoms stop here at 39 weeks. I don't think I can handle the symptoms that come next....

p.s. of course i don't have a placenta