Fireside Conversations

Generally, I'd say its hard for guys these days to make new friends. It seems that for most guys, their closest friends are the friends they had in grade school. Beyond that, I believe its pretty difficult for guys to invest into a male to male friendship. Throw in the fact that you are a male and a nurse and you'll most definitely find yourself with very little to talk about with other guys. Few men outside of nursing could hold an interest in discussing your worklife with you and relate to things you deal with on a day to day basis.
.....from this, a fellowship was born. The D.A.M.N. Committee is a group of Devoted and Aspiring Male Nurses who are proud of what we do and work hard to promote the image of men in nursing. It really started out as a joke but has grown into a culture. Tonight we hung out, grilled, and shared fireside conversation about life with bits of nursing thrown in here and there. I've learned to appreciate the simple things like the crackle of a campfire, a cold beer, a little bit of rain, and long conversations with good friends. I'm so happy to work with some awesome guys.
Here's to you DAMN Committee, and plenty more fireside conversations!

upside down

what in the world is going on? how is it that you can everything figured out and then a dream comes along and turns everything upside down? i don't feel like i'm the type of person who can just throw caution to the wind and go with my heart.....at least i haven't been that person for the last 7 years or so. But what if I did? Should I? I'm such a worrier and a planner when it comes to things like this. The idea of losing control for a split second scares me to death. However, I can't lie. The idea of letting my heart lead me is kind of exciting...... what DO I wanna be when I grow up????? oh the possibilities.

Queen of Hearts

a steady ship on a raging sea.
a shining light in my darkest plea.
a planted rock in a rushing stream.
tough as nails but sweet as cream.
always encouraging, a constant net.
"spread your wings and try your best,
I'll always be here when you wanna come home"
wherever I went, I was never alone.
hometown girl who worked the farm,
slingin' hay in Ralph Deason's barn.
loves her coffee, cornbread, and butterbeans.
simple is better for her it seems.
she knows what is important in life,
"grin and bear it all in stride."
she's been everything i've needed her to be.
can't believe the things she gave up for me.

today is your day and i hope you know
the example you set, i strive to follow.
And when you blow your candles out
look to the heavens and give a shout
cause daddys' watchin with a furrowed brow
sayin "stupid ole woman what are ya doin' now?"

a steady ship on a raging sea.....the Queen of My Heart, She'll Always Be!
Happy Birthday Mom

pregnancy cravings....

why in the world do I get pregnancy cravings? Its crazy. The same thing happened when Joana was pregnant with Sofia. This time I am so in love with peanut butter and bananas on toast! I can't get enough.

had statistics class today. while walking to class i realized that i really do count every stair that i step up. its annoying but i have to. And if i start the staircase stepping every other step i have to keep with that pattern.

got annoyed because we got our group papers back today for class. my group got a b. argh! i'd rather just do all the assignments myself. i hate the idea that other people's work affect my outcome.....thats why i became and icu nurse. I never trusted anyone else with my patients....i wanted to do ALL of the care ALL of the time.

decided to go for a run to justify eating all my pb&b sandwiches. i'm such an out of shape fatty. we've talked about joining a gym again but i really don't like the thought of paying for it. Jo wants to join a place that has an outdoor pool. That means the YMCA. hmmmmmm... that means downtown durham and i'm not so sure i wanna be hanging out there after the sun goes down. i don't know maybe its not so bad.

so tired of being pressured to join a committee at work involving chart audits, long boring meetings, etc.... i started my own committee. Its called the DAMN committee. Its for Devoted and Aspiring Male Nurses. Its for all the guys in our unit, nurses and nursing assistants. Funny, cause i never thought it would work but my manager likes the idea and all the girls wanna join! so sorry. you have to have a penis to be in the committee. So this month we are meeting to discuss Wilderness Medicine. I found an article that we will be reading over. To get a better idea of wilderness medicine we are camping out! I know, it will be a long committee meeting but we will have a lot to discuss! I love being the president of my own committee!

work called and asked if i could come in a littler early tonight because they are short staffed......i agreed so i need to get a couple of hours of sleep before i go in.

i think i'll stick with caffeinated coffee tonight!

can you numb me up more please?

about two years ago i FINALLY went to see a dentist. It had been a very long time since I had gone...don't ask, you don't want to know. anyway, i really like my dentist because he's pretty conservative. with that being said, he and i made a plan of what work i needed in my mouth. thanks to poor coverage from my insurer, every year i max out before i can get all of my work done....but i'm getting closer! today i had a new filling and an old filling repaired. I have one more filling to have repaired then i'm done!!!!! thank you Jesus.
so i pretty much had bells palsy today. call me weak, but i can't stand the pain/sensation of a drill ripping away at bone in my mouth. i asked my dentist to numb me like three times. driving home, i looked at myself in the mirror and almost called 911! my facial droop was profound enough to warrant a worry of a massive stroke. i slept it off but woke up with a major headache.
Joana made a super delicious chili tonight. mmm mmmm good. The evening was nice. Sofia was in a wild-child mode and was hilarious. seriously, what is cuter than your kid running through the house completely naked and squealing with delight! hahahaha She did get placed in timeout for deliberately throwing her food onto the floor. When i went to get her out of timeout she holds my face and asks "Daddy, need a hug?" Wow! what a sweetheart.
then it was into the bathtub where we drew birds and trains with her crayons and had a swimming contest with her bath-time Kai Lan doll! Up the stairs we went for the night night, rocking chair, reading 3 books and prayers ritual. Its one of my most favorite times of the day. Can't believe my baby is getting so big.
Made a pot of coffee (decaf) and now jo is coming down to join me for coffee and maybe a movie.
snuggle time.

a little something random....

to get me back to bloggin.

today was ho-hum but good all the same. was home a lone with sofia and we did a lot of playing. i have a lot of school work to get done but it always takes a back burner to dancing in the kitchen, reading books, and watching elmo. so i make the most of her naptime! :-).....and then of course there's the late night. Hopefully i'll finish up my assignments tonight and have tomorrow free......grrr..,,just remembered i have a dentist appt. tomorrow. skyped with my mom twice today. was good to see her. i'm glad she's coming to visit soon and that she's coming with us on our vacation. i love that she brings such a calm, relaxed, and easy-going presence. i'm lucky to have such a great mom. jo got home from work and we hung out on the couch and watched property virgins on hgtv, then i gave her a foot massage. baby boy was kicking but as always, he gets really still when i put my hand on her belly. took out the trash, washed the dishes, and i'm about to study up for my health care policy test. made a 100% on my statistics homewook. woot. random enough? i want to go camping. ...i want to read a book. i want to drink coffee without feeling guilty. i want a full body mri just to make sure i'm not going to die tomorrow.
sweet dreams.

Toxic Emotion

there it is. there in the stillness, in the quiet. when you have exhausted yourself beyond repair, it will creep in and sit with you. invited or not, in the silence when your guard is down and your walls are crumbling....reality gets comfortable in your presence. that foreign, raw emotion burns deep in your gut, clenches your chest, and squeezes your soul. when it's just you and the void....when you can no longer believe the lies that you spin to defend your heart, the truth is spoken in a raw, toxic emotion. he's gone ...